♥ Fyshball Muah! -

Tuesday, November 10, 2009 Y Tuesday, November 10, 2009

MIA Again

Im soooooooooooo Lazy to update. Sigh. Nanti i MIA(Missing In Action) again for months. HAHA. No lah. I will update. Just not everyday cos there isint anything to update about.

I need a JOB! A JOB! Really. Something that could last me for at least sometime. But i need it before 20+ Nov.

My shortest post ever.

Kbyee.

Friday, November 06, 2009 Y Friday, November 06, 2009

Outing For a Night.

Tonight, we are having a family outing. God! Dont they understand, im not in the mood to go out at all? All i want to do is, stay at home, look at my lappy, and sleep. I am not in the mood to go out, or to enjoy. Really, what do you think?

This few days, i have only been staring at my laptop, chatting and blogging as i am currently. I still am having a tummy ache. A really bad one. And later we are going out. I need a bathroom not a fun night out. The only thing that keeps me smilin is my cousin Lina & my friend Eqi. Thats all. Almost all the others are bullshitting my life.

They still think its fun when so much mishap has happened? Well, yes, for them it is cos nuth seem to happen to them. But the cousin relationship has already turned sour. And nuth can change that. I don't get it. They dont get it. My bloody bear dont get it.

So ppl started to think that all this is stupid, i dont. I think that my life has gone from bad to worse. Im going to go to the doctors next week and i am waiting for the result which i know is bad. Getting worse rite?! Yes! Theres so much more.

Signing out sighing,
Ekin

*my next post will be about translation from English to Indonesian.*

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 Y Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Miss Doing The Things.

Im recovering, i think. -.- Trust me, the interface of my life right now is so unusual. Everbody is suddenly giving me problems...

My family, my family, my friend, my family, my new phone(Lg, the one i bought less than a month ago) & my lappy(which i just fixed btw. as im typing, i cant type the letters T & G properly).

Shittish much to the start of November. My tummy hurts wayyyyyyyyyy too much. Worse that a normal tummy ache. Wondering why it hurts this much. I dont eat that much, i am able to take the tummy pain and i am hungry!!!!

I would love to go overseas for a meridian break right now. I want to do strawberry picking, go to the serene and calm mountains. Any country would do. Pls! Just away from here. I need a break, i need a life away from the one i am having. Yes, i know i need to change the things i am dealing with right now. But its different right now. I am in absolute "stoning" mood. Haha. But i will be fine. :D Hehe.

Theres no need to cry over spilt milk. But u can wipe off. -.- Bodoh. haha. Pergaduhan ini adalah sebaai setitik dakwa yang tertumpah di dalam susu. No wonder malay aku A1. sheesh. But that was long ago. Yada2. Now, my malay like hell, topsy turvy alread. But i still love English. hehehe!

I just woke up and was wondering what my plan was for today. I dont have any plans now... There is files to be completed, but i am not in the mood to think about files. And to even do files. Cos i used to do it together. But nvm, guess i just o find another job alone. :) i can live with that.

Anw, about the fight and dissagreement with my cousin. I am really exhausted and tired. If u decide not to believe my side of the story. Then fine with me. Theres nothing i can do. Am i right? If you want me to admit, then i admit what? To somethin i didnt do?? Just because things happen and coincidently someone just happen to say our name doing it, doesnt mean we did. If i cant persuade you, then im giving up. I dont think theres any use. So if u want to be enemies, o ahead, im nt looking this matter up. U were the one who decide to scold me, make decisions without consulting me. U decide to scold me via sms, u decide the story. And i ot no say. So i hope u see it from my position. If u think that lowly of me, might as well, u just dont talk to me animore. cos i am not of the high standards to talk to you right?

Good for you then. I hope u realise what u did sooner or later. Cos i know there another bad news comin your way. And only i know. Again, this will not end. i am sure. I have had it. Right up to my wits. The fact that u rose ur voice to me means u already disrespect me. when u pushed me to the floor, thats a violation of my body. Go do some soul searching.

I am going to eat. But i cant. Urgh. Like the burger i ate yest, it came back out. -.- And no, i am not having an eating disorder. I just cant keep the food down. I am so hating this. My left wrist, cant move that well. But i force myself. Cos i am strong. :D

**I wont be coming down rumah nenek this Sat. So if U want to come down, go ahead. I am not there. i will try to avoid you as much as i can. Cos i also know that u want to avoid me too. Both agrees.**

Signing off,
Ita.

Monday, November 02, 2009 Y Monday, November 02, 2009

As of now,

I have a pimple on my eye. No kidding. A pimple on my eye. A pimple right on my bottom eyelashes. I cant blink, it hurts.

Think i cried too much. Its been 24hrs since i cried non stop. I cant believe this happened. Yeahh... I think its been a hassle and i think i cant take it anymore. I want to go far3 away from here. The pain, hurt (pain and hurt is the same, yes i know, bare with me here) and sadness are all coming in. Betrayal, the feeling of someone stabbing my back. The part where i am mad right now. I am forcing myself to laugh and smile, but i am crying within.

I am trying to make myself happy cos i am strong. I know i am. I will... I am sitting here infront of this laptop hoping that this is all a nightmare.

I have nothing left because
you have driven me insane
I don't know why your doing this
but you don't care because it's me in pain.

Please don't come to my house again
because I can't bear seeing your faces.
Not now, not ever.
Maybe someday, in some other places.

LOVE,
Ita.

Y Monday, November 02, 2009

This post made for all you readers there;
some are dedication, some are hate notes. People listed in this post are,
Lina, Zee, Eqi, Makcik & Pakcik, Nenek & Dino

To Lina;

Thanks for being there for me my sweet cousin. Both me and u know what happened and how it affects us. But no matter what, we will stand strong for ourselves and make do with the changes. I know how hurt u feel right now, maybe more hurt than me. I know u used to like dino and will sacrifice for him a lot but he doesnt realise what u have done for him. Hey, babe, thats just guys for you. Self centered, eqoistic and selfish people. yeahh... sigh. If u still have feelings for dino, then i dont know what to say. I cant tell you to forget him cos its ur heart thats in pain. I cant tell you to keep on loving him cos i am afraid he will do hurt you the way he hurt me. But even so, i will still be there for u when u need me. Love you loads dearest sweet cousin. peace out!

To Zee;

Babe, i think the plan for the chalet bday is totally ruined lah. I am not coming tau. Hope u can continue the plan without me. haha! Honestly, i think u werent there to witness what happened, thats why u werent as shock to see. I wont severe ties with anyone just cos of a small matter, but this is my limit. anyway, biler mau g batam?! i want to spend3!! heh! and i want lady gaga hair too. freaking outta here. and babe, ade lobang keje tak? boring nie... :D

To Eqi;

Thanks for talking and chatting to me all night and morning. I really hope to be able to meet you one day. Cos i feel we share some same interest. I really like to see you. I dont know why, but i really like chatting with you. I wish i can post myself to jakarta via DHL. haha! or i hope that u can visit singapore sometimes too. (: Maybe can see u in batam. haha! cos i might be going soon. I really love to see you. Wish you can become a rich man one day! haha! I hope u will be succesfull.

To my makciks and pakciks and my nenek kesayangan;

Ita love you all! haha! thanks cik jah for helping me out when dino pushed me. and for loving us all! to my cik ros, busu, nenek, and everyone who is at rumah nenek, thank for calming me down. ita love u all from the bottom of my heart. Maaf kn ita, kalau ita buat salah.

To ciknor;

Sorry for doing this. But ita nak mintak maaf kalau dino da tuduh ita macam gitu atau kalau die da buruk kan nama ita. Tapi ita tau, ape yg ita buat adalah antara ita dan tuhan yg maha kuasa. Kalau ita buat salah dkt kluarge cik, ita mintak maaf banyak2. semoga cik maaf kn ita. Tapi, ita sudah tidak boleh memandang cik lagi. Sampai sini sahaja lah, maaf cik.

To Hairul Azhar;

I dont think i need to explain any further. But i hope you read this. I want you and Nadia to report this to the police. Go find the culprit who did this. Cos i am very sure, me and lina never did this. Cos if you dont report this to the police, i will. I swear, i will. And furthermore, i cant believe what you have done. What you did to lina too. Skrg, baru ita dapat tau pertalian darah antara ita dan dino tidak bermakna langsung. Sampai hati dino menuduh ita macam gitu. Sedangakn ita tak tau ape yg telah terjadi.. Walaupon ko menyayangi nadia sebanyak gitu, hubungan aku dan ko adalah hubungan saudara. Lebih rapat dari seorang yg tidak pon ada kena mengena dgn kluarga kita.

Kau manghina nama ku, mengatakan perkara buruk tentang ku kepada ibu mu, mak cik ku sendiri. Aku menangis bukan sebab kesakitan apabila aku terjatuh sebab tolakkan mu, tetapi, tangisan ini kerna hati ku terperanjat akan kelakuan kau terhadap ku. Selepas banyak yang aku buat untuk mu, walaupon sebagai sedara sahaja, yang aku sanggup buat sesautu yang khas bagimu, inilah balasan yang aku terima. Semua yang aku lakukan, tidak sekali pun aku meminta balasan darimu kerna aku fikir, kesayangan kau untuk aku sudah cukup sebagai balasan. Tetapi, tidak sekali pon kau fikir tentang ini.

Aku mahu bertanya sesuatu pada mu, ada sekali kau terfikir tentang sedara kau sendiri. Kata Cinta dari nadia itu lagi penting dari kita? Selama hidup kau, aku menolongi mu, aku meyanyngi mu dari kecil sebagai adik sedara ku, aku yang sentiasa ada di sisi mu untuk menolong mu apabila kau menderita. Aku yang menyembuhkan luka mu bile kau terluka. Aku juga lah yang menolong pabila kau dalam kesusahan. Dan aku yang menemani mu dalam pelbagai kesusahan yang kau alami. Dan paling aku tidak akan dapat melupai, aku lah yg cuba menolong kau baik semula dgn kekasihmu.

Pabila kau tolak dan meninggikan suara mu, adakah sekali pon, kau terfikir, apa yang aku telah buat untuk mu? Kau berkata, aku fitnah tentang nya. Tetapi, dalam semua ini, sanggup kah aku lakukan fitnah itu? Kesabaran ku sudah sampai tahapnya. Bagai langit dan bumi, kita jauh berbeza. Hati ku ini bagai kaca terhempas di batu. Tangisan ku yang jatuh dari pipi ku adalah tanda kesidahan dan kekecewaan yangku mengalami pabila kau menuduhku. Hari itu lah, hari yang terakhir aku akan melihat dirimu kerna kekecewaan ini amat besar dan tidak dapat kau sembuhkan. Lupa kan saja masa yang kita habis kan bersama. Waktu kita kongsi, dan masa manis yang kita ada bersama. Lupa kan lah masa yang kita bersama, waktu kita kongsi rahsia, dan masa yang tiada orang lain tahu. Aku rasa aku ni bagaikan patung buat dirimu, kau buang selepas kau guna kan aku. Aku tidak menuduh atau menyalahkan mu, tapi kesakitan aku mengalami tidak dapat disembuhkan.

Maaf kan jikalau ada kesalahan yang aku melakukan terhadap dirimu. Aku harap kau bahagia dengan kekasih kau. Aku akan doa kn kebahagiaan untuk mu dan si nadia. Tetapi, aku tidak akan dapat berada di sisi kau sebagai saudara kau lagi.

I do hope that all the people who's post are meant for them will be able to read them. Just to tell them how i feel. This is how i really really feel.

Love,
Nurul Ekin.

Sunday, November 01, 2009 Y Sunday, November 01, 2009

**Why i am not going to meet Dino/Hairul(cousin) Animore**

There is something that is left unchanged, unsaid and unexplainable. It is unbelievable how things can change that easily. I can’t believe one can do that to me. Someone who thinks I am nothing. We used to be related. I am not kidding. My cousin, who used to be my cousin.

I, Nurul Sakinah, in sound mind, propose and declare that, Hairul Azhar is and will not be related to me in blood or in relation. This takes effect from 1st November 2009.

If you ever know the story of how this family relationship ends, then only will you know how much hurt and grief I felt. I will put it this way, simple and easy for you guys to understand. I will put the story from two side, and u judge.

Story from Nurul Ekin side:

<<<<<>>>>>

Today, I went to my grandmother’s house with Lina & Erwin. I thought the day will be fine, but I guessed wrong. We went to buy Ananas and I am short of a few bucks cos I need to go buy beancurd for Dino. Then I didn’t realize that they put sugar syrup in the beancurd, so we had to make do with it. Then I have some balance of my cash money, just enough to buy another beancurd without sugar. This time without the syrup. Got it for Dino, and we remember that he doesn’t like that. Lina took the time to queue to buy that for him.

So, Lina & Erwin went to nenek’s house first and I proceed to Dino’s house first. To pass some cash to him and went to nenek’s house together. Walked there, but it was so hot. Damn, and I was wearing my jacket. I know, stupid. So we reached there and the first thing I did, eat! Like durh, must eat, I didn’t eat okay. And Eqi told me, must eat so I can be healthy. LOL! Then the usual stuff, went online for awhile, then up again. It was an awkward day.

**skipped some useless info here…this is where the fight start and gets interesting**

<<<<<>>>>>

I was there, sitting in the dining chair, playing lappy, as usual, minding my own business. Then Dino pointed his fingers at me, and accused me of felony. He said, I used nadia’s name to disguise myself as her and meet other guys. I stood up to him, and of course, denied the act. Because I know that I was not in the wrong, I didn’t do anything. I never admit to such doings cos I never did it.

Then he shouted at the top of his voice and shoved me at my chest/breast area super super hard. There was a huge thump and I fell backwards to the floor. My wrist broke my landing and either I twisted, sprain or fractured my wrist. I can’t type right now and its hurts a lot when I move it. The only thing I could do was cry. I mean, I was in shock. My body didn’t move when I fell and I couldn’t think of anything else. I can’t believe he shouted at me, screamed, and shoved me. I am his elder cousin. And it was because his previous flame said someone used her name to chat and meet up. He accused me just for that girl? I know I am just his cousin, but I know if one day, he has to choose between his girl and his family, he would rather be with her. It’s too obvious isn’t it?

<<<<<>>>>>

And all the time I sacrificed for him, do things for him so just he will be okay has all just gone to waste. All just gone because of this. I was so hurt that the only thing I did was cry. Even if I tried laughing, I can’t. When they say, blood is thicker than water; it also means it hurts more when fights happen. And the only thing I can think of is to severe ties with him. I was really hurt. I think only he and me knows how far we went as cousins and all the things we have been through and share. I know he treasures Nadia more than me. But even so, he should spare a feeling for me. A thought about my emotions and feelings and what I have done just so he can smile.

I went to great lengths just to make his day and so he can smile. But he never thought of it. I gave him my last $30 so he could finish off something important. That $30 was suppose to last me for the week but I gave it to him cos it seems way more important. He never thought of that, did he?

And right now, the hurt and pain I am feeling is ever growing for him and that girl. I am sorry if I sound selfish but the hurt I am going through right now is super bad. I can never forgive him, unfortunately, I can’t forgive him. We used to be so close, but when this happen; I think there will be no getting back together.

<<<<<>>>>>

I am sorry, but this hurts me too much and I think that there will be no end. I will cherish the memories we had as cousins, but at the same time I will try forget about us ever being cousins. And about ever doing the things we did before. And please forget about what we use to do, what we shared and what fond memories we have. Forget me as your cousin and I will do the same thing. Please.

<<<<>>>>

Nita;
a former cousin.